Heartache 

I don’t know how to describe it

The pain in my chest

That I can’t put to rest

I’ve spoke about it before 

But this one is so much more

Painful

What did she do to me

To make me love her so strongly

Uncapping a love that I know

I’ve never given to anybody 

She’s got to be the one

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Why. Me.

I open my mouth to scream
To let out all this pain that resides in me
Nothing comes out
Not a sound
Throat still dry from the sobs
My eyes are leaking again
Though with the rate of flow
A leak would be an understatement
Nothing I do is ever good enough
What does that say about me?

So many people on this planet
Yet I feel like the last one alive
My head down in crowds
No one notices me
I have no one to love
No love directed my way either
Why am I even here?

Thought about ending it all again
But the nothingness I feel now
Was nothing compared to the nothingness
I knew awaited me on the other side
So I held back
Cut only deep enough to feel the release
Enough to let the thoughts cease
My ceiling fan still looked inviting though
And although they signify good to come
My Christmas lights would make the perfect noose

I don’t know how much longer I can feel this way
Locked away in solitude
Replaying memories of the painful times
They teased me so much
About everything
No matter how hard I tried
I would never fit in
Why didn’t I make friends?
Is something wrong with me?
Why did they constantly laugh at me?

I still try to scream
The knot in my throat keeps it in
But a whisper escapes from between my lips
Shuddered in the exhales
That I barely breathe
“W-w-why…
W-why…
Why…
Me.”

Eternal Anguish

AAAAHHHHH!

How could this happen to me?

Fallen victim once again.

I swore it would never come to this.

I remember the day when

I was down on my knees,

Begging for a release.

Insomnia has become an unwanted friend:

There for me when all are asleep.

We became close easily,

Now a friend I hate to keep.

My head hurts…

Thoughts ringing through.

I don’t know what to do.

My voice is hoarse and ready to leave,

Surprised I can still shout.

Even if it were to go,

It’s something I can do without.

So I open my mouth

And let my heart scream:

It was becoming too much for the poor guy to endure.

Broke the down the lacrimal dams,

Let the tears leak onto the floor.

Their paths down my face

Are still clearly traced,

And their origins…

Just empty space.

My fists are clenched so tightly

That the flow of blood has almost stopped,

But through it all,

Not once has my pen dropped:

Bleeding every emotion that I feel

Onto these lines of these pages,

As I go through these stages

Of this thing called love.

In my chest it seems

That something is missing,

Listen…

Faint beat.

I’ve lost the feeling in my feet,

Knees once again to the floor,

Asking for nothing more

Than to not be awake.

How much more of this

Will I have to take?

I don’t want to live

With this constant

Heartache…