Complications 

​I know the smile on her face is a mask
Put up to keep the world from asking
Questions like what’s wrong
She’s growing on me
Though I haven’t known her too long
I know she gets stressed sometimes
Trying to figure it all out
We’re all in her shoes sometimes 
Never really knowing what life’s about 
When she starts to think
The snowball starts to roll
Before she knows it 
It’s spiraling out of control 
She tries to avoid complications 
That would only add on more stress
She’s looking out for herself 
Doing what she think is best 
Then along comes this guy
Who sets off all alarms
But works his way in anyway 
What are his intentions 
They all have them
No matter what they say 
Things start to feel
Comfortable 
Filling us both with dismay 
She doesn’t want to deal with problems
I don’t want the problems 
To end up driving her away
I just want to take her far from it all 
If only it’s for a moment 
Forget about all the stress
Lose ourselves in good times
Not remember where the day went 
It’s complicated
Nothing is ever simple is it? 
My plans to help her feel better 
Are just another complication
Coming for a visit

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Beat Us To It

They were once like me

Caring and loving and always there

Then they stopped

Leaving you in a place of

Unrequited love and affection

So you had to change the way you did things

Locking it all away to avoid pain

Never wanting to be hurt again

Now with new love in your life

Your expectations are for

A repeat of the past

At least your actions say so

So you’ve already fast forwarded

To the part where you need not show affection

Now I stand here with all the extra

Looking into cold eyes

That feel a pain that I did not inflict

Revert

A question plagues my mind

If you could change for the worst

To please them

Only for them to walk away

Why can’t you change for the better

For someone that you know will stay?

The answer lies with me though

Because they forced you to be different

From the person that you were

And I

Would never force you

To be anyone who

You didn’t want to

Or couldn’t be

So I will suffer

Until you realize

That you can’t keep blaming the past

You are in control of your actions

You decide whether we crumble

Or whether we will last

Sacrifice

When I’m in love, it’s golden, at least for me. I try my best to keep the other person happy because I know and feel how happy they make me. The “honeymoon phase” as they call it, can last the entire relationship from what I have experienced. I have also experienced that others don’t know what to do when that feeling lasts “longer than it should”. Immediately they start thinking that something must be wrong if things are too good. Why don’t we argue? Why don’t you get upset at me? Should it be like this? In more than one instance, my partner would voluntarily try to end  honeymoon phase prematurely because it was too hard to understand. Each time I felt hurt. Once again, I was in a one sided partnership. I was the only one who was completely sure of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to feel. Go figure. I knew that for some reason or the other, I would have to end up sacrificing in some way to keep them happy. It was usually their past keeping them unable to move forward and understand what love was really supposed to feel like.

I let go easily. Very easily. I may talk about the transgressions of others, but the actions are in the past and that is where I leave them. I don’t think on it during the day unless I have to; discussions about relationships, or if the person is brought up. I try my best to not let what has happened affect my life in the here and now. It’s not fair to me or to any potential partners to let my past weigh me down and keep me looking backward periodically, taking the focus from where it should be. If I could show how to do this or if I could write it all down then I would. I know there are people out there who have issues letting go. It becomes debilitating to their lives and relationships. Surprise, surprise, I have been part of these new relationships. It’s hard to not have the focus be on you. It’s harder to be patient and wait for them to come to terms with what they are going through. Often, the methods that they are trying won’t work, but they won’t hear one word that you say. In their minds, they believe that they have to go through it in their own way. Usually, the best thing to do is walk away so that they have time to deal with things on their own.

How can you do that? You know what will be the result. They will go back to the place that they do not belong, even knowing what they know. So you stay, for them. You give up yourself to someone hurt. You have everything you say and do analyzed. They do not trust you because their trust was once broken. Even though not by you, you still have to go through it. You make yourself vulnerable knowing that they may never be able to reciprocate. You get love, but you know that it’s not all the love that you deserve. They say things like they “love you more”, the playful response to “I love you”. Each time you want to halt them and tell them that it’s impossible, but you can’t. It’s not the right thing to say and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. So your feelings are put up as a shield to protect theirs. You sacrifice everything for them, sometimes they don’t even realize how much you actually do to keep them happy.

True love can come from this if you can help them to see what they need to do. Listen to them when they talk about what they need to talk about. Let them get it all out, how they feel about the past and their feelings right now. Try not to let your own feelings get the best of you. Try not to lose yourself because it is easy to. People who are strong at love will sacrifice themselves and state of mind for the other person, out of love. They take everything that they don’t deserve, out of love. Love is Pain. The pain is worth it.

Blackened Pans

No one understands

Don’t think anyone ever will

But still…

I try

The fear of being alone

Mixed around with the need to give

This Love in my heart

Sprinkle in truth

Stir in attention and affection

Place it in the oven for six months

Everything done perfectly

A new recipe never before tasted

Because no matter the attention

Paid to the details of the recipe

The batch always comes out burnt

One day the entire house will burn down

Then they’ll understand

They’ll see the little things

As they sift through the ashes

Walk On By

In a past life they could have been much more

They could have been lovers

They didn’t want to risk the friendship

So they never followed their hearts

The nights they spent together

Are now pages of a lost chapter

Of dances and wine

So much time spent

Just enjoying one another

They tried to keep in touch

Keep the friendship strong

They could only hold on for so long

Watching one another move on

Feigning happiness day to day

Always sneaking moments to reminisce

On the kisses that they missed

And the ones they let go away

For friendship’s sake

When they do meet each other

They always remember

Years gone by

It’s too late to start anything new

All they can do

Is walk on by