Sacrifice

When I’m in love, it’s golden, at least for me. I try my best to keep the other person happy because I know and feel how happy they make me. The “honeymoon phase” as they call it, can last the entire relationship from what I have experienced. I have also experienced that others don’t know what to do when that feeling lasts “longer than it should”. Immediately they start thinking that something must be wrong if things are too good. Why don’t we argue? Why don’t you get upset at me? Should it be like this? In more than one instance, my partner would voluntarily try to end  honeymoon phase prematurely because it was too hard to understand. Each time I felt hurt. Once again, I was in a one sided partnership. I was the only one who was completely sure of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to feel. Go figure. I knew that for some reason or the other, I would have to end up sacrificing in some way to keep them happy. It was usually their past keeping them unable to move forward and understand what love was really supposed to feel like.

I let go easily. Very easily. I may talk about the transgressions of others, but the actions are in the past and that is where I leave them. I don’t think on it during the day unless I have to; discussions about relationships, or if the person is brought up. I try my best to not let what has happened affect my life in the here and now. It’s not fair to me or to any potential partners to let my past weigh me down and keep me looking backward periodically, taking the focus from where it should be. If I could show how to do this or if I could write it all down then I would. I know there are people out there who have issues letting go. It becomes debilitating to their lives and relationships. Surprise, surprise, I have been part of these new relationships. It’s hard to not have the focus be on you. It’s harder to be patient and wait for them to come to terms with what they are going through. Often, the methods that they are trying won’t work, but they won’t hear one word that you say. In their minds, they believe that they have to go through it in their own way. Usually, the best thing to do is walk away so that they have time to deal with things on their own.

How can you do that? You know what will be the result. They will go back to the place that they do not belong, even knowing what they know. So you stay, for them. You give up yourself to someone hurt. You have everything you say and do analyzed. They do not trust you because their trust was once broken. Even though not by you, you still have to go through it. You make yourself vulnerable knowing that they may never be able to reciprocate. You get love, but you know that it’s not all the love that you deserve. They say things like they “love you more”, the playful response to “I love you”. Each time you want to halt them and tell them that it’s impossible, but you can’t. It’s not the right thing to say and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. So your feelings are put up as a shield to protect theirs. You sacrifice everything for them, sometimes they don’t even realize how much you actually do to keep them happy.

True love can come from this if you can help them to see what they need to do. Listen to them when they talk about what they need to talk about. Let them get it all out, how they feel about the past and their feelings right now. Try not to let your own feelings get the best of you. Try not to lose yourself because it is easy to. People who are strong at love will sacrifice themselves and state of mind for the other person, out of love. They take everything that they don’t deserve, out of love. Love is Pain. The pain is worth it.

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