One Step At A Time

Hindsight is a kick in the ass if I ever felt one. I blew up at my girlfriend last night. I should have been able to see that she was only acting out for the entire day because she didn’t want to feel certain emotions. Then again, I’m not perfect. I don’t like not certain feelings myself, and that’s why I explode. I’m learning not to hold things in, but I still have to learn to control the expressions of them.

The thing that made me go crazy was her refusal to lean on me right after some choice words by her. Yup. That’s all. I like open channels in love that we have. That’s all I ever have to ask for.

It may be more personal and psychological than that, but that’s all I can come up with. Now I have to find a way to show her that I still care and that she is off the hook. Halfway at least.

It’s probably bad that I try to force her to speak to me, but I don’t like her holding things in that bother her. Compromise might be needed here. I know if she’d told me exactly what it was earlier, I would have reacted differently. I see now that I also need to work on me. I should always respond with love no matter what.

With the nature of what is actually bothering her, I’ll keep all my opinions to myself. I just know I’m going to say the wrong thing. I’m already thinking the wrong things. Being selfless really takes a toll sometimes. It’s alot of work to put someone else before yourself, but of course, she’s worth it.

I’ll do better next time. I know it.

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