Tabula Rasa

I have been in my share of relationships and things have mostly been rocky. It wasn’t all bad, but when it was bad it was the pits. It was either a past that could not be let go of, an ex who I was constantly compared to, or a lack of faith in men as a species. If it wasn’t one of those, then it was insecurities. You wouldn’t believe how many women are insecure (but that’s for another time).

One thing that I have always done, whether by choice or habit, is to give a blank slate to each person at the beginning of the relationship. No matter what I was told in the dating stage about their past, it didn’t matter. I treated them as if they had never done anything and I didn’t let what I knew about them affect how I would treat them in the relationship. This made it easy for me to start fresh the next day after a bad day. It could have been the worst argument in history. By the next morning, everything was back to normal for me. Of course, I wasn’t going to forget what was said, but I also didn’t let it affect the way that I treated the other person.

Unfortunately for me, everything I said was too hurtful. Things always had a way of being thrown back in my face in some way. They would actually do things that I mentioned just to say that I was right about them. Almost like they had an excuse to do what they did because I expected it from them anyway. The truth was that I never expected anything. Even when it happened over and over. I expected good things from them from the start. I actually expected them to do the right thing each time. It was hard to explain that.

To this day, I still give blank slates after every argument and discussion. I expect the best from everyone, even those who may have wronged me at one point. No one is perfect and no one is always wrong either.

A little different from the normal post, but I like to express in different ways.

~ Silence

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